That Corner Sit

I was focusing on studying my test,

spend 13 hours on those algebra shit,

scratching at my head, thinking bout this math,

but my mind was filling up something other than that.

it’s like, you are everywhere complaining bout your mess,

stop and started laughing for a couple sec, and then

you pulling down that serious face,

and move on to correct me for the shit i said bruh.

I really missed you when you not around,

try get a smile from your crazy stupid sound hah.

and i know, soon you gonna leave this town

and probably i will never ever gonna hear your sound.

hah, i just tripping, thinking bout these shit,

thought that youre the chick, who just took that corner sit,

but sitting here alone makes me think,

am i just boring or i really miss you bitch.



Say it like you mean it

Don’t ever let me thinking

that you the only one that i can talk to bout my dreaming

maybe i am tripping

or maybe i just miss it

the sign of calling me a bruh and let me stay there hanging

oh pardon me,

my aggressive slipping out of me

holding this feeling make me feel kinda sick of me

if you wanna leave,

be my guest and please,

say that last goodbye like you are fucking mean it.

Loss Control

I like the sense of predicting and controlling,

thats what i have learned as getting older.

Controlling my emotional was the hardest part,

But somehow I have managed to conquer.

My control of emotion seems to fade away,

Once the face of yours slip into my world.

Please my dear, please stay low,

Don’t let me find you in my world.

Cause if I saw you one more time,

I will never let you go.

A Mechanical Heart of Mine

That feeling has appeared again.

It feel so good, but scary at the same time.

Afraid that it will be gone.

And left a hole in my heart.

Controlling the beat of my heart.

Telling me it is just temporary.

But that feeling still remains.

And my heart is no longer a machine i can control.

We barely know each other,

but i think you trigger something on my mechanical heart.

Should i shut it down again.

Or should i continue to let it beat.

Cause it is so powerful,

much powerful than ever…

Prison of My Mind

Ever felt that whatever you have tried to move forward you just ended up staying at the same old point.

Trying to be go out but always felt like the surrounding is pulling you back to the same point.

Not to blame anyone or anything but my own weakness should be blamed.

This weakness is like a prison that never going to let me out.

Or perhaps I’m too afraid to leave this prison……….

As an Engineering Student

I should have started this engineering study “diary” from the start of my academic year, but I never had a chance, or perhaps too busy procrastinating. Now, I am already a third engineering student, so I guess is time for me to start recording down all these “interesting” engineering student life. Better late than never ~~

As an engineering student for almost four years, I still keep on asking the same question to myself, why am I come to university and study engineering ? Is it because of self interest on the subject or just because “Engineer” sound cool and MIGHT have a pretty decent salary. So far, the latter one is most probably the answer.

When I was a young and “blank” kid, I like to break things into pieces to have a look what is inside. As I get older, building models had becoming one of my favourite free time activity and looking at cars or any kind of machine that I can get my hand on it. By looking at those points, I had told myself engineering is the field I’m going to dedicate my time into and possibly building something to improve this world. Without knowing anyone who work in engineering industry or what happen in the engineering industry, I have chosen to study Mechanical Engineering in UK. “Engineering is a very hard subject and you should be proud for taking this subject” that’s what people around me always told me and I am indeed proud, but at the same time questioning myself what am I proud of ?

First and second year passed so fast that I can’t even remember what I have learned and that is not a joke, because this is actually true. Third year has come and here I am, sitting in my room and writing on this blog instead of studying the material on this morning lecture or starting the assignment that due on the second week. However, the truth is I have been spending all day in the computer workstation to work on my individual project, which is to build a bioreactor for tissue engineering. Now, you might wondering “why the hell you are building a bioreactor ? where is this “bio” come from, never seen you mentioned before? and tissue engineering ? Are you changing your course ?” The answer is no, this is just a project that I have been assigned for and yes I have totally no clue on what am I going to do with this project, because I have not been touching anything that related to biology for almost my entire uni years. After those agonising struggling and head stretching days and night, I started reading journal papers about bioreactor, which I always thought only those people who take their shit too serious will read a journal paper about one stuff with a shit lot of “overkill” detail description. Interestingly, those overly detailed descriptions have provided me some knowledge that will help on the project.

Now, I am at the designing stage and it is way too under schedule for my original plan, which is too smooth to be true anywhere. One thing I have come up with so far is that I actually have’t applied any first or second year’s knowledge on this project and I am able to move on and proceed. This is a sad truth, it feels like all the stuff I have learned from previous year are useless, but they suppose to be my tool, which can’t be used on the project at all. Moreover, it also makes me feel like if someone did spend their time on internet to research on this project related information, they will also be able to do this project without attending an expensive university all the way in UK.

So why am I here ? am i come here to learn something that is beneficial for my future or I am just here for the certificate ? is the struggling experience the only thing I can get from this University ? or am I the one who need to be blamed ?

Please, if you have the answer, I need it

Family & Friends

Lately i have been watching ” Keeping Up With The Kardashians” , addictedly. What is on my mind is, how come their life can be so interesting, there always surprises, laughing, arguing and so much more. So people might think all of those stuff they have done on the show are fake, but why think at that way since you already watch the show, so why not just believe that maybe our own life can be as interesting as theirs.

Anyway, there are too many thing I can talk about that show, but I just wanted to focus on the ” communication” part. As a family communication plays a very important role and that shows up on the show, because everyone of them speak up what is in their mind instead of keeping it. Sometime speaking up might cause fighting in a relationship but a relationship without telling each other about your feeling is meaningless.

Family is really important to me and I got the best family member in the world, I have nothing to complain about, instead, be more appreciate from what they did. I am already a 20 years old, but all these years, I don’t think I have made a compliment about my parents on what they have done on their live or for me. They raised me up from a little baby to a men and now I have left home to fullfill my dream. For parents, I believe watching your kids growing up can be exciting and sometime quite sad, because they used to hang around with you all day long and suddenly they don’t need you to help them to do what they wanted anymore. Thinking about me and sister getting older now, soon my sister will  graduate her highschool and study abroad too, so by that time only left my dad and mom at the empty house, I feel sorry to my parents. I love you dad and mom, I will make you proud!!!

Now about friendship. Lately I am really confuse about things like secrets between friends or something you can’t say to your friend because he/she might get mad and blah blah black sheep. We call each other friend for a reason and I really don’t want to do this to my friends, maybe I just too naive to think that everything can be say to each other between friends, because that is what friends for. When you feel something wrong about her ,just tell her, don’t keep it in because this never end up well. When you have problem that really bother you, seek help from us and no one will judge you, even though we might not be able to help you but you got someone to share the pressure with, don’t take all the pressure yourself, friends for me is like second family honestly. When you done something that don’t want your friends to know, don’t do it next time, because you know that it will hurt your friends. Just make friendship simple, outside world is already complicated, so when I hanging out with my friends, I want it to be really simple, so simple that I don’t need to use my brain.

Say “Thank You” when someone help you, say “Sorry” when you are wrong and say “I love You” to the love one.